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Tags: blind date, breakfast, danish, dating, denmark, food, hungry, i wish i had mr t's hair
Tags: children, corny, FML, hunter s thompson was great, joke, my dog likes kibble, sleeping
Tags: chili cheese dogs are delicious, couch, doctor, dogs, gravy, have you seen my keys.com, heath, hookers, introverts, jane austen, life, people suck, perverts, physics, random, swine flu, underwear
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a dog.
As I’ve stated on this blog many a times, I’m an introvert. And as such, making a ton of new friends isn’t too high on my priority list. It’s right below getting a tooth pulled and just a smidge above picking up a transsexual hooker.
Why is it such a problem? I’ll tell you why. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: angry, cats, i like gravy, mad, men, puppies, relationships, unfunny, women
Tags: birthday, coupons, dogs are awesome, environment, gravy, life, medicine, my dog rules, sick
Recently for my birthday, a friend gave me the gift of coupons. A small book chock full of rebates, all ready to be clipped along the dotted lines. But instead of 50% off steak entrees and two-for-one car washes, all the coupons were limited to one particular store — a local pharmacy. My friend decided the best present to give me was a pamphlet filled with discounts on cough syrup and antiseptics. Alas, she gave it to a completely healthy person.
Now I am not the type to waste perfectly good coupons! It’s like throwing away money. And only fools throw away money. I, most certainly, am not a fool. Which is why I spent the next few weeks tirelessly trying to get ill.
That’s right. Whenever someone sneezed or coughed, it was like my bat signal. I was there before you could say ‘swine flu’, face in their personal space soaking up all the germs I possibly could.
Why am I reusing this snotty tissue you ask? Um, I’m going green and saving the environment of course! Oh you dropped a cookie on the floor . . . two days ago? Consider it eaten. Yes, I was the one who drank the rest of the soda pop you left in the fridge. Yes, I know you have a sore throat. Stop looking at me like that.
I tried my hardest, but no matter what I did I couldn’t seem to get sick. In fact, it seemed my immune system was actually getting stronger! Dejected, I finally gave up my quest and in a fit of anger, ripped that coupon book to little shreds.
I got sick two days later.