parking spots and tater tots

Posted: August 16, 2009 in r-flection!#
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Hang around me long enough, and you’ll slowly start to find out that the universe is conspiring against me. I’m not really sure what I did to piss it off, but universe, if you’re listening: I’m sorry. You can stop picking on me now. Thanks.

george_clooneyIf my life was ever made into a movie, it would be titled ‘Murphy’s Law‘. It would also be an animated 3-D film and George Clooney would play the role of yours truly. Yes, I believe that sounds about right.

The best example I can give is my troubles with parking lots. It truly is a microcosm of my entire life experiences. Like every normal person, as soon as I pull into a parking lot I begin to drive around, looking for an open space. Naturally, I first check near the entrance of the store, restaurant, bar, etc. Let’s face it, no one likes a long walk. Most people out there, they find those open spots. I wonder what the must feel like because for me, I never see them. Never. In all my years of driving. Never.

Now, that by itself is no big deal. And I would agree, a little exercise never hurt anyone. But the story doesn’t end there, oh no. It doesn’t end there.

You see, as soon as I park my car aaaaaaalllllllllll the way on the far side of the parking lot, an eternity away from the door of the establishment, lo and behold, what do a  I see? Someone pulling out of a parking spot RIGHT next to the entrance. Every single time this happens to me, without fail. Almost as if people wait for me to park before they leave. It doesn’t even surprise or upset me anymore, that’s how often it happens. I’ve tried waiting longer for a spot to open, perhaps driving around for a few more minutes than I usually do, in hopes that a parking space will open for me close to the building. Nope, I end up wasting about 20 minutes for something that never happens. It never fails.

Parking Snot

I don’t give up that easily though, and one day I thought to myself, “You know what? I’m going to outsmart the powers that be. Two can play this game. No more will I walk forever to get to my car! It ends today”

So I pull into the parking lot, as usual, and begin my normal check of the parking lot. Nope, no spots open near the front. Shocking. So, like always, I park my car all the way at the back of the lot. As I get out and start walking towards the building, what do I see? As usual, a car pulling out right in front. You couldn’t ask for a better spot, it was literally a few steps away from the door.

This is my chance. This is it, baby! I haul ass back to my car and pull out of my space. I floor the gas pedal, pushing my car to its limit, just to get that coveted position. Today is my day. I could already see it: me stepping out of the car, people around me looking on jealously. “Yeah, you see me. I earned this spot. Don’t hate. I know you want it. Maybe next time chumps!” I started laughing to myself, victory at last. I sure showed the universe who the smarty pants was.

skillzI could see it, I could taste it. Then, out of nowhere, almost as if it had dropped out of the fucking sky, this huge ass Hummer swoops in and parks in MY spot at the very last second. She even winked at me as she stepped out of the car. Almost as if she knew.

I couldn’t believe it. I just sat in my car, dumbfounded at what had just occurred. Beaten once again. I was forever banished to the outside, like a leper. Defeated, I turned my car back around and drove to my old, usual area at the end of the lot.

Except it wasn’t there anymore. Someone had taken it.

Fine, I’ll find another parking spot. And so I drove around the lot for ten minutes, looking for an open space. It never came.The parking lot was stuffed like a turkey on Thanksgiving. I ended up having to park a few blocks away . . . in a paid parking lot, where I had to fork over five bucks to leave my car.

Walking to the building, I couldn’t help but wonder what I did to piss the powers-that-be off so badly. In fact, I had plenty of time to think about since it was half a mile away. Tryin hard to convince myself things weren’t all that bad, I remained optimistic. That is, until those first couple of rain drops started to hit my head.. It was indeed going to be a very, very long walk.

  1. S. Le says:

    I didn’t have time to read your post but thanks for the eye candy!

  2. amandagibbs says:

    LOL This is one of your best ones yet. Don’t feel bad the universe has it out for everyone in some shape or form, someway, somehow.

  3. annieepoetry says:

    at least you won’t be one of those people who have forgotten how to walk.

  4. dmwright says:

    Wow, that is pretty bad. I am sorry. I don’t take people’s spots, but I am usually one that someone is leaving right when I am driving up! I used to take that for granted, but not anymore. Not anymore.

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