Posts Tagged ‘medicine’

Recently for my birthday, a friend gave me the gift of coupons. A small book chock full of rebates, all ready to be clipped along the dotted lines. But instead of 50% off steak entrees and two-for-one car washes, all the coupons were limited to one particular store — a local pharmacy. My friend decided the best present to give me was a pamphlet filled with discounts on cough syrup and antiseptics. Alas, she gave it to a completely healthy person.

Now I am not the type to waste perfectly good coupons! It’s like throwing away money. And only fools throw away money. I, most certainly, am not a fool. Which is why I spent the next few weeks tirelessly trying to get ill.

sick pupThat’s right. Whenever someone sneezed or coughed, it was like my bat signal. I was there before you could say ‘swine flu’, face in their personal space soaking up all the germs I possibly could.

Why am I reusing this snotty tissue you ask? Um, I’m going green and saving the environment of course! Oh you dropped a cookie on the floor . . . two days ago? Consider it eaten. Yes, I was the one who drank the rest of the soda pop you left in the fridge. Yes, I know you have a sore throat. Stop looking at me like that.

Nothing worked.

I tried my hardest, but no matter what I did I couldn’t seem to get sick. In fact, it seemed my immune system was actually getting stronger! Dejected, I finally gave up my quest and in a fit of anger, ripped that coupon book to little shreds.

I got sick two days later.

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Recently, doctors announced a breakthrough in the field of medicine that allows people who have lost use of their legs to walk again. Isn’t that amazing? Since this is such new procedure, it’s a unbelievably expensive. The people at Crocs said they were willing to pay for 100% of  someone’s medical costs, the catch being that person has to agree to wear Crocs and ONLY Crocs for the rest of their life.

So far there have been no takers.