runny nose


Hang around me long enough, and you’ll slowly start to find out that the universe is conspiring against me. I’m not really sure what I did to piss it off, but universe, if you’re listening: I’m sorry. You can stop picking on me now. Thanks.

george_clooneyIf my life was ever made into a movie, it would be titled ‘Murphy’s Law‘. It would also be an animated 3-D film and George Clooney would play the role of yours truly. Yes, I believe that sounds about right.

The best example I can give is my troubles with parking lots. It truly is a microcosm of my entire life experiences. Like every normal person, as soon as I pull into a parking lot I begin to drive around, looking for an open space. Naturally, I first check near the entrance of the store, restaurant, bar, etc. Let’s face it, no one likes a long walk. Most people out there, they find those open spots. I wonder what the must feel like because for me, I never see them. Never. In all my years of driving. Never.

Now, that by itself is no big deal. And I would agree, a little exercise never hurt anyone. But the story doesn’t end there, oh no. It doesn’t end there.

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ice creamI was recently reading about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It’s a personality assessment test developed by Carl Jung to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. There are 16 different personality types. Baskin Robbins has 31 different flavors, but I digress. Curious, I went ahead and took the test. Since I never like to get all my information from a single source, I took it on three different sites. All three gave me the same result, so I felt confident I was given the right ‘prognosis’. I was definitely given the right prognosis. Read the rest of this entry »

Hello? Is this thing on? *tap tap*

This blog started off so well, daily updates and seemingly never ending material. In the beginning, it was a place to write down my corny jokes, random musings, and humorous observations. Then it became an outlet for me to voice my rants that couldn’t be voiced elsewhere. Peppered here and there was the occasional drawing that would make a kindergarten teacher cringe. All effortlessly.

But then I just became too self-conscience about my blog. I feared most of what I wanted to write wasn’t going to be up to par with what people expected. The people I’m referring to is whoever is reading this right now. YES YOU!! All three of you. Maybe four of you. Five? Okay six. . . . possibly seven. There’s a chance it could be eight or nine. Let’s say ten. Ten of you. That’s right, I’m talking to all twenty of you reading this blog.

Back when I had a personal online journal (not a diary, guys don’t have diaries) it was ‘locked’ so that no one could read it but me. I wrote in that thing every day for about two years straight and never once worried about what I was going to write in it. I was never at a loss for words nor did I debate the topic of conversation. Why? I knew I wasn’t writing for anyone else but me. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting feedback about this blog. It’s just, after awhile, I felt as if I wasn’t writing for myself anymore. I felt pressured to write for all three of you reading this and I couldn’t submit anything that wasn’t above average material.

Questions I ask myself are, “Is this too long/too short?” “Is it funny enough?” “Is it worth posting?” “Will anyone care?” “Why did I let my dog grow so fat?” Usually I end up just saying ‘fuck it’ and simply not writing anything at all. It’s the least stressful path. You can’t fail if you don’t try, right? I really shouldn’t care so much, but I do. I’m the type of person that likes doing something right or not doing it at all. I’m a prefectionist. I dnt allow for ANYY mistakes . . . EVER!!

But I’ve been wanting to write again. Usually, when I feel that desire to write deep inside, good things come out. Whenever it’s forced, that’s when I start to doubt myself. That fire is building up again. Would it be better if I set this blog to ‘private’? Maybe. But I’d rather not. I’m a private guy, (some would argue, TOO private) and often don’t let all my emotions and stories pour out unless it’s behind closed doors. I need to change that. So perhaps I’ll write in this, pretending it’s just for me and no one else is listening. It’s my fault though. I can’t help but to read what other people are writing and comment on their blogs, so in turn they come here, read and comment on mine. I’m sure if I stopped writing on other people’s blogs mine would get much less traffic, if any. Which is fine. Perhaps I shall stop commenting on others blogs so that mine gets less attention. I’ll be damned if I don’t love getting comments though!!!!

Crap. Catch 22. Guess you can’t have your cake and eat it too. My dog loves cake, and I do too.



giraffe driving a car

Well, I grabbed some notebook paper, some colored pencils, a chili-cheese dog, and a cold beer. This public service announcement is the result of that little session. It’s funny, I started the drawing from the top down. The more I drew, the more distracted I became with other things, and as a result, the crappier the drawing got.

As the old Russian saying goes, “C’est la vie!”

Seriously though, giraffes driving is no laughing matter. No laughing matter at all. 😦

Oh the huge manatee.

dustLast week, I had the misfortune of working in a dusty old warehouse, dealing with dusty boxes, looking through dusty papers, breathing in dusty air.

Did I mention there was a lot of dust? Because there was. Everywhere. Dust.

Being continually exposed to such depressing surroundings has a way of bringing you down. As if having to worry about contracting emphysema wasn’t bad enough, I had to stare at a deluge of dilapidated documents the entire time and nothing else. Bo-ring.

So why am I bothering to mention such a mundane moment? Well, one day amidst the dreary doldrums of that dingy dungeon I happened to come across a little baby bird nestled in the corner of the ceiling. I could barely see its head peering over the nest. This little dude was tiny. He would come to be my source of entertainment for the next few days . . .

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Okay, so I’ve put off writing an entry long enough! It’s time to put my peg down. That’s right, I said peg. As some of you may or may not know: I am a Somalian pirate. That’s just how I roll, matey.

Anyways, onto the heart of the matter! What to write about . . . Read the rest of this entry »