Where art thou, Otto Mann?

Posted: August 11, 2009 in note from zee author
Tags: , , ,

Hello? Is this thing on? *tap tap*

This blog started off so well, daily updates and seemingly never ending material. In the beginning, it was a place to write down my corny jokes, random musings, and humorous observations. Then it became an outlet for me to voice my rants that couldn’t be voiced elsewhere. Peppered here and there was the occasional drawing that would make a kindergarten teacher cringe. All effortlessly.

But then I just became too self-conscience about my blog. I feared most of what I wanted to write wasn’t going to be up to par with what people expected. The people I’m referring to is whoever is reading this right now. YES YOU!! All three of you. Maybe four of you. Five? Okay six. . . . possibly seven. There’s a chance it could be eight or nine. Let’s say ten. Ten of you. That’s right, I’m talking to all twenty of you reading this blog.

Back when I had a personal online journal (not a diary, guys don’t have diaries) it was ‘locked’ so that no one could read it but me. I wrote in that thing every day for about two years straight and never once worried about what I was going to write in it. I was never at a loss for words nor did I debate the topic of conversation. Why? I knew I wasn’t writing for anyone else but me. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting feedback about this blog. It’s just, after awhile, I felt as if I wasn’t writing for myself anymore. I felt pressured to write for all three of you reading this and I couldn’t submit anything that wasn’t above average material.

Questions I ask myself are, “Is this too long/too short?” “Is it funny enough?” “Is it worth posting?” “Will anyone care?” “Why did I let my dog grow so fat?” Usually I end up just saying ‘fuck it’ and simply not writing anything at all. It’s the least stressful path. You can’t fail if you don’t try, right? I really shouldn’t care so much, but I do. I’m the type of person that likes doing something right or not doing it at all. I’m a prefectionist. I dnt allow for ANYY mistakes . . . EVER!!

But I’ve been wanting to write again. Usually, when I feel that desire to write deep inside, good things come out. Whenever it’s forced, that’s when I start to doubt myself. That fire is building up again. Would it be better if I set this blog to ‘private’? Maybe. But I’d rather not. I’m a private guy, (some would argue, TOO private) and often don’t let all my emotions and stories pour out unless it’s behind closed doors. I need to change that. So perhaps I’ll write in this, pretending it’s just for me and no one else is listening. It’s my fault though. I can’t help but to read what other people are writing and comment on their blogs, so in turn they come here, read and comment on mine. I’m sure if I stopped writing on other people’s blogs mine would get much less traffic, if any. Which is fine. Perhaps I shall stop commenting on others blogs so that mine gets less attention. I’ll be damned if I don’t love getting comments though!!!!

Crap. Catch 22. Guess you can’t have your cake and eat it too. My dog loves cake, and I do too.

Regards,

Jerry

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Comments
  1. qbubbles says:

    Hey dude. I read! 🙂 Even if you’re only writing for me, I love whatcha write. It makes me giggle.

  2. Otto Mann says:

    Hey thanks. You just made my day. 🙂

  3. Welcome back!

    I wrote a post/rant a few months ago about much the same thing. Same as you, I worry too much about what other people think and self-censor a lot of my stuff (just because I’m worried about what peoples reaction would be to some things). What I/you should be doing is saying ‘fuck it’, write whatever comes to mind and click post. Easy….

    ..well, it’s easy in theory 😉

    I share your pain Otto mann, I share your pain.

    PS: I’ve gone to hide, so you can now pretend I’m not here.

  4. sly0208 says:

    Yay!! You’re back!!! See, I have you on my subscription list. 😀 Write away, man! Let it fllloooowwww. I was self-conscience too when I first started writing here, but I rarely hold anything back these day. I truly do say ‘fuck it,’ and write and post away. I share my blog link everywhere I can, even on crowded Facebook. Just go for it, man. I hope you stay with us again for awhile!! BLOG BLOG BLOG!!!

    Oh, and welcome back. 🙂

  5. sweetiegirlz says:

    I always liked your blog!

  6. Wynn says:

    I’ve stopped and started blogging too, but the difference between your blogging and mine is that you actually get comments 😀 Not getting any except for really once in a while kinda makes you question it all even tough it’s not -all- for the readers 😀

  7. planetross says:

    Write what you want: it’s your blog. … I’m thinking about getting fascist and sexist on my blog pretty soon … or maybe getting topical even! I hear Bob Hope might have died.
    So cut the navel gazing crap and write shit that you want to fucking write.

    note: I hope my mom doesn’t read this … who am I kidding, she’s dead and dyslexic.

  8. S. Le says:

    Wondered where’d you’d been! Hope you will write more.

  9. Susi Spice says:

    ottomann… sweety, love of my life, stop whinging and just get on with it… you know you are great writer, u know u iz talented, you know your weird thoughts are funny, im glad your not giving a crap about what other ppl think anymore.. just write! im bored at work with you not posting stuff anymore! 😛 haha.

    ive been finding it hard to write on my susispice blog but ive been really hitting it up on my political blog…(missopinion.wordpress) haha oh well. catch ya soon sweet cheeks.

    oh I have one gripe with you… you have been writing on other ppl’s blogs behind my back!??? i wont be forgetting this mr!

    hehe
    hugs

  10. jruthkelly says:

    Don’t set it to private…you’ve got brilliant insightful expression. I’ve missed your voice. I mean, damn, you’re on my list of suggested links. Don’t go and disappear. And stop this insecurity nonsense. It’s NOT LOGICAL! ; )

  11. chloe says:

    i had missed your entries
    don’t be self conscious, people read because they like you & like your blog & your posts.. you’ve got many loyal followers

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