kielbasa

Posted: February 8, 2009 in r-flection!#
Tags: , , ,

kielbasa1Recently, I learned something about the opposite sex . . . or so I think.

Girlfriend: My butt is getting huge. I feel like I should lose weight.

Me: There’s a new gym that just opened down the street; they prbly have some great membership deals right now. Check it out!

Wrong.

Immediately she thinks to herself, “Great, he must also think I should lose weight. What a beavermelon this guy is!! Jeez.

I think she looks amazing. All I wanted to do is help and somehow I’m getting the short end of the proverbial stick here! Wtf? Yarrrrrrrr. [Yes, I am a pirate.]

To me, and billions of men around the world, a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution. As men, we feel an obligation to help our lady overcome the issue at hand. Alas, women aren’t looking for men to solve the problem as much as they just want a shoulder to yap on. They want sympathy, not resolutions. They want someone who will listen, not necessarily give advice.

So what am I going to say next time?

“Be quiet, I’m watching football. And get me a beer . . . and some kielbasa! Yeah! YARRRRRRRR.”

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Comments
  1. Romi says:

    That may be a true representation of women, but I wouldn’t know ’cause I was too transfixed on the picture of that fun little friend in your post…wow I have bigger issues than a big butt it seems… 😉

  2. Otto Mann says:

    haha, fun little friend. Yes, he is indeed a blast to hang out with.

  3. Susi Spice says:

    for next time ottomann.. the answer is “honey, i think you look great” and leave it at that.. she already has the thought in her head that she probably does need to go to the gym and so she will anyway and u wont get bollocked! OR the alternative will be for you to be happy to love her in thinness and in fatness till cholesterol do you part…

  4. moreprivate says:

    When women complain about what they look like, you simply say, “You’re perfect just the way you are” or some other bullshit. But you gotta mean it. We can tell if you don’t.

  5. chloé says:

    thanks for the comment fellow blogger friend

    on this post; lol i can see where you’re coming from
    it’s frustrating for guys; i’ve watched my partner for the last 3+ years look confused when i’ve uttered unhappy remarks at his helpful comments
    lol
    it’s life

    🙂
    at least you have a sense of humor

    btw; i read on someones blog that you love to write when you’re on LSD (or something)
    ..do explain :):)

  6. secret to staying married for almost 10 years now? Never say ANYTHING…

  7. mynooch says:

    Women are from Earth.. Men are from Uranus..
    You can’t say “you look great” this will get you a roll of they eyes as they know you are patranizing them.. Best response is “What can I do?” This gives you a 50/50 shot she’ll say nothing and you’re off the hook.. the flip side.. guess who just started Pilates classes…

  8. Joy says:

    Yes, just say “honey, your butt looks wonderful” and leave it at that! LOL!!!

  9. mynooch says:

    Your buns are the right size for my kielbasa

  10. Justin says:

    That was indeed the right answer though. Don’t worry about initial reactions my friend. You have to look at the future. Unless you and your lady like a healthy, robust, rump roast, it is proper to agree with the gym. Sure, women love to complain even when there is no problem, but are we supposed to always stay quiet? Womaen will chime in here and say “YES!”. At a point you will have to agree with a gym membership or a diet…best to do it before she becomes a heifer and hates you for it. Arrrrgh matey!

  11. coogie says:

    Yea, that stuff never works. Women work a lot through empathy which means, if you want to be helpful you have to pin down her emotions behind the statement and react to those rather than to what she says. That’s what a woman would do.
    You’re not a woman, so thanks for trying, haha! Maybe next time… 😉

  12. whatigotsofar says:

    I’m perpetually single so my advice to you might not be right, but I think it is. Woman don’t want sympathy or advice, they want, in this situation to be complimented. Women want you to say “No way honey. You look great.” They want to catch you in a lie so that they can find your lying tell so that they can later find out what else you’ve lied about.

  13. gigidiaz says:

    Oh gosh… reading these responses makes me feel odd. I would want a response like “cool let’s go rock climbing” or biking, or jogging or anything else. Just get up from your seat throw on some sneakers and yank me by the hand. This way if I’m just “yapping” I’ll never use that approach to get your attention again since it’ll require working out when I dont REALLY think I’m fat. And, if I DID mean it that I felt I was getting fat I would be delighted to see you so motivated to getting in shape together.

    If you said nothing, like “this buddy of mine” suggested I’d complain that you’re not listening. If you said i look great, perfect, etc, and I’m convinced I don’t, I’ll still think you’re not listening and you’re just saying that to shut me up.

    I feel weird cause non of these responses work for me… My poor boyfriend.

  14. sly0208 says:

    I was walking just in front of my other half the other day, and he decided to get a handful and commented on how much he liked my butt. Hehe. I proceeded to do a half turn and check myself out in a nearby store window, and told him that I think it’s big. He then pauses, and says “Well, you may think it’s big, but I think it looks damn good.” Good answer, babe.

    Btw, when we walked into said store, there was a female clerk that had been looking out that very window and saw me do the whole-half-turn-to-my-butt-thing. I didn’t care. He thinks I have a great one. 🙂

  15. The Unlikely Heroine says:

    I once received a diet book as a gift of unsolicited “help” from my boyfriend when I was experiencing a period of relative self-confidence. He was taken aback by my reaction (nervous laughter, followed by hysterical crying). In his defense, he cited a conversation in which I admitted not feeling so good about myself. I reminded him that the conversation in question had taken place several months earlier. His response at the time? “You look fine, babe.”

    I bought him some Rogaine for his birthday.

  16. trishskee says:

    I say plead ignorance.
    “What butt?”

  17. Magpie says:

    “beavermelon”

  18. Camilla says:

    hahaha! I would answer that! 😀 get me a beer.. Whenever I feel fat, I eat candy and watch shows like “the biggest loser” on tv, and then I feel thin again…

  19. Deanna says:

    I am one of those rare women who actually want an honest answer when asking a question like that. Seriously! I’ve asked my husband if I look like I’ve gained weight, and I can trust him to answer honestly. If I didn’t want to know, why would I ask? :S Some days I just “feel” fat, and I want to know if it shows! lol

    We’ve been married almost 10 years, together almost 19, so “never say anything” isn’t the only secret to staying married. 😉 Honestly, I don’t know what the secret is! lol

  20. ispyu says:

    haha! Be sure to let us know how answer number 2 turns out!!!

  21. S. Le says:

    You are a weiner.

  22. Susi Spice says:

    honey until you start listening to MY advice you will always get a bad reaction from your gf haha. I told you, i have the answers 😛

  23. onlinedesign says:

    I like this one from “trishskee ” – “What butt?”

    Works for me.
    My husband always says, “Laurel…you’re a beautiful woman.” That’s his pat answer and most of the time I know he’s full-of-it, however, he says it so cute and with feeling…it works every time.

    Still, “What butt?” – that’s good.

    Now that I think about it…he says the same thing about his tummy…or belly. I always say “I love that tummy.” The difference is I MEAN it, really. I adore him with his bulge and don’t care if he loses weight or not.

    Is the whole issue here that women don’t love themselves enough to just accept the answer positive or negative? Or, we just don’t trust our Men to be honest?

  24. dmwright says:

    You crack me up. You are right. Women bring it on themselves. Men think logically and so differently than women. Women have to remember that. My man says, “Damn it – have another cookie. What are you gonna do? I’ll have one with ya!”

  25. annieepoetry says:

    It is because women compare themselves to the people they see on tv or other media. Anyone with a can of beans for brains knows that those pictures are fixed in photoshop. Tell her you like her meaty and than start a new hobby like hiking and beg her to come with you, then tell her she looks hot while you are doing the new hobby. Then finger feed her some sausage. Women love that.

  26. Laurel LaFlamme says:

    Anniee, you added another good point. Only 2% on the nation are the size “0” – “2” barbie doll stick figures we see on TV & in mags. So the very reason we wonder if our butts look big…is because they are…compared to everyone we see in the media.

    I like big butts and I can not lie
    You other brothers can’t deny
    That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
    And a round thing in your face
    You get sprung, wanna pull up tough
    Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed…with kielbasa *hey* kielbasa *hey*
    Finger feed her some sausage for Valentine’s Day!

  27. Doraz says:

    We can tell when you guys speak the truth or are just saying anything to keep us calm! Keep trying, though. You may win on occasion! H a Ha Ha

  28. Pammy Girl says:

    Um, how about, “I think you look beautiful but if you want… we can start working out together.” Unless you’re a personal trainer on the side and then that could be intimidating.

    Why are relationships so damn hard? I feel like a jerk 90% of the time.

  29. mynooch says:

    Laurel LaFlamme know what we like!
    Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed…with kielbasa *hey* kielbasa *hey*

  30. annieepoetry says:

    do not use the words “we can workout together” with anyone you want to sex. Say, golf or hiking or taking a stroll. Fat people don’t like to workout. They hate people who workout.

  31. Chelsea says:

    It’s true, women do have a tendency to fish for compliments when they say that sort of stuff .. well from my experience anyway. What works a lot of the time is complete disbelief. “WHAT? Are you CRAZY? I love your butt!” And she will then proceed to disagree with you, that’s when you either tune her out – she’s probably already set on some plan to lose weight – OR then say something like “well if you really think you need to, I heard about this gym …”

  32. Tony says:

    I always get in trouble trying to offer solutions….
    If I complain to her it means I’m looking for solutions/suggestions

  33. Tony says:

    I agree with S. Le you do in fact look like a weiner

  34. mynooch says:

    I wasn’t going to say anything.. but come on Tony.. is that a turd on your lip?

  35. […] left a comment here on This Blog Post sometime ago. He had a picture depicting himself as a Weiner with a face on it. (He’s not the […]

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