Beauty ampersand the Beast

Posted: January 26, 2009 in r-flection!#
Tags: , , , , , , ,

miss america 2009 The latest Miss America was just crowned. Congratulations Katie Stam AKA Ms. Indiana.

Congrats for what? I’m not really sure.

I don’t get the point of beauty pageants. At all.

Take away the audience, take away the cameras broadcasting the show to millions thousands of viewers around the world, and what do you have?

52 women (yes, I know how many States there are) with way too much make-up on being judged by a panel of complete strangers. That’s all it is.

Seems a bit odd doesn’t it? Not to mention quite superficial.

“But Otto Mann,” you proclaim, “they also have a talent and questionnaire part of the pageant! It’s not all about the looks!”

I say to you, dear stay-at-home mom, it’s all a farce.

Take for example the question presented to this year’s winner:

Do you believe athletes are role models?

That’s not a difficult question at all. They should be asking these women to compare and contrast the probabilistic nature of subatomic particles versus the deterministic nature of general relativity and it’s effect on gravity.  Alas, if you remember Ms. South Carolina from last year, you can’t blame the people running the show for not asking hard questions. Next year I predict the question will be:

Do you prefer puppies over kittens? And if so, why?

And then there’s the so called “talent” portion of the program. And I use the word talent very, very loosely because singing like a cat being choked to death does not constitute talent. Neither does prancing around like a 5 year old with ADD. I’m sorry, I believe they refer to it as “interpretive dance”?

Let’s face it, good looking people get what they want FAR more often than average looking people. Don’t believe me? When’s the last time you saw an absolutely gorgeous homeless person? That’s right, never. A secretary can be dumb as rocks, but if she fills out her blouse quite nicely, her boss will keep her on. It’s the way the world works, don’t shoot the messenger.

So how about we scrap this whole beauty pageant thing? But let’s keep Miss America! She will now be judged on intelligence, respect for herself and others, personality, sense of humor, goals and personal achievements. There shall not be one winner, but many. And they will travel the country fighting illiteracy and child obesity through education.

(But please, keep the swimsuit portion of the show.)

Okay, okay, I’m starting to sound like a feminist trapped in a man’s body here, if it wasn’t for the last part I added I would have had to check my boxers to see if my balls were still there. I apologize for the long, semi-serious rant. They can’t all be jokes!! I’ll try to redeem myself tomorrow. Promise.

  1. delaney55 says:

    Pageants are dinosaurs and should fade away, especially the little girl ones.

  2. BOOOOOO!!!!!

    If I wanted to see ugly chicks I’d go to the mall. Keep these pageants so that little girls growing up know what is expected of them.

  3. Otto Mann says:

    You stay classy “this buddy of mine”!!!


  4. Susi Spice says:

    yet you watched all of the pageant….for research purposes of course… to later criticise it…that is why you were paying such close attention 😛 for critical analysis later. I know your game mr! PS I am soo looking forward to Miss Universe hehe. :O yeah did i just say that?

  5. Susi Spice says:

    sooo i dont see me in your blog roll….

  6. Selma says:

    I must admit that I like a good pageant. My feminist sisters would crucify me for saying so, but it really is just pure escapism, isn’t it? We always put bets on to see how many of the girls will say they want world peace. It’s so much fun!

  7. megan says:

    While I was in college, I knew this girl who somehow made it to the finals for the Miss (State) pageant. How she did this I will never know: not only was she not very pretty by anyone’s standards, she was also the biggest flake I knew at the time. I’m talking really stupid here. Not surprisingly, she didn’t even make it to the final three in the pageant, and she was absolutely DEVASTATED. She wailed with a heartbroken sob, “What am I going to do NOW?”, as if she had nothing left to live for.

    I will not judge people on their choices of extracurricular activities. All I know is that I would never put myself in a position where I was scrutinized to the tiniest detail and judged on my looks and personality – both things I can’t change. I get enough of that from my mother as it is.

  8. leakelley says:

    Aw Jeez, now what am I gonna do?
    You have relegated my life long goal of becoming Miss double AA cup at 50 years old, to a pile of ashes and scorn. And I had a good answer for the puppy question too!

  9. mynooch says:

    It’s just another distraction from the man behind the curtain.. I’d love to see Miss America going around to school with the fattest kids.. and when they go to grab that bag of shit food.. Miss America jumps out and slaps the shit out of the kid. Guarantee that will be the best moment in that kids life.
    Side Note – This Buddy of Mine is the biggest Vag and should go back to blowing his own meat popcicle of ingornace

  10. The Unlikely Heroine says:

    There was a TLC special recently (hell, it may still be running) about overzealous pageant moms and the daughters they enter in them. I haven’t watched it, but it looked pretty sick. Interestingly enough, it seems as though the overwhelming majority of these women have long lost whatever aesthetic appeal they may have once possessed (if any) and are now projecting all over their little girls. The resulting lesson is that it’s okay to be ignorant/vapid/a demanding, soul-sucking bitch, just as long as you’re pretty. Seems like a subtle form of child abuse to me.

    And airbrushing your toddler so she looks good in a bikini? Barf. Seriously.

  11. amandagibbs says:

    Yeah i think the purpose of the pageant has long been drawn out to a barbie doll model show. The people apparently don’t pay much mind to what they say just how they look. I actually cringe when they start talking therefor I can not watch that show. It makes my brain hurt to try to interpret what they are saying at a level I passed up by 5th grade. I can’t believe they still air those…

  12. V says:

    I agree with you 100% on this. Pageants are silly to me. Especially for children, you see these mother’s living vicariously through their kids, pushing them to do something they don’t want to do, being snarky with the other mothers. Then you see the grown up pageants — pathetic. I am with you on judging by intelligence, respect, achievements, etc. Will that ever happen? I doubt it, unfortunately. By the way, *poke* I gave you an award on my blog, check it out!

  13. Charlee says:

    Haha well I like this post. It’s okay to be serious sometimes

    just don’t make a habit of it 🙂

  14. Joy says:

    I liked reading this serious side of you. I like jokes and laughs as much as the next person but I felt like I got to know you a little better today.

    PS….I’m not for these pageants either. I think they are “fun” but not real.

  15. socratesoul says:

    Personally, I think it is completely representative of our culture. It is only right that a Miss “America” contest be superficial and mindless. Who are we trying to kid? It does, however, bring me joy to know that the show is much less popular than it once was. Only when the masses have rejected this notion would we deserve to have a more intelligent woman crowned “Miss America.”

  16. millyonair says:

    “I’m starting to sound like a feminist trapped in a man’s body here, if it wasn’t for the last part I added I would have had to check my boxers to see if my balls were still there.”

    I enjoyed this post, but I gotta say, this comment rubbed me the wrong way. The idea that supporting feminist ideals (the idea women are as important and valuable as men) is directly antithetical to masculinity, or somehow threatens it, is the reason why our culture continues to celebrate the “beautiful bimbo.”

    Also, whatcha got against the stay-at-home moms? Being a stay-at-home parent is a lifestyle choice, not a symptom of feeble-mindedness.

  17. SadieSadie says:

    It’s not a pageant. It’s a SCHOLARSHIP program. j/k you are totally right. They are pretty superficial.

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